"Useless"
-Noel; referring to Tony McCarroll

"Guigs is a hippie, a wanna be hippie...he smokes pot and reads books"
-Noel

"I'm mad for it."
- Liam

"People say love should be like The Derby, but it's more like the Grand National."
- Liam on love.

"Right now I'm young, I'm doing what I'm doing, and I love doing it."
- Liam

"I've only got one thing to say. 'Sausages'."
- Liam accepting a Brit Award in 1996.

"This one's for the people who can't read!"
- Liam

"Best act today. Tomorrow. The day after that. And the day after that."
- Noel on winning the Q Magazine Award for Best Act in the World Today

"It's a good thing we won, because we were going to thrash the place if we didn't."
- Liam receiving yet another award for oasis.

"If you're not in it to be bigger than the Beatles, it's just a hobby."
- Noel

"Allright this party's shit and we're here to liven things up a bit. You know you're not havin' a good time but you're all too scared to say it, ya know mate."
- Liam at the MTV Music Video Awards in New York 1996

"Barrie is the biggest hole in the Western Hemisphere"
- Noel during Oasis gig in Barrie, Ontario, 'opening' for Neil Young

MTV: Are there places in this country that you'd just assume not travel to?
Noel: ehh...yes. Them places where, 'got any barbers where you come from boy? You boy's like country music?' Out there in, you know, them weird little truck stops you get to at like 6 in theh morning, everyon's on the bus going, 'fuck, I'm not going in there'. You know what I mean, he he, the chance of me going in there, there's old geezers with snakeskin baseball caps on backwards, chewing tobacco * pttt*. 'Where in the hell you'd get that accent from?'

"Anyway, we go in and start recording in October. We're gonna do the single and have it out in January, and around then we'll start recording the album. All depending wether we split up in the studio and the usual bollocks, walk-outs and bust ups and trying to get Bonehead out of the boozer." - Noel

"Discipline? I don't know the meaning of the word."
- Liam

"We're not arrogant, we just think we're the best band in the world."
- Noel

"Everyone knows that if you've got a brother, you're going to fight."
- Liam

"It is hard to be modest at times like these so I won't even try...you are all shite!"
- Noel

"Being a lad is what I'm about. I can tell you who isn't a lad - anyone from Blur."
- Liam on being a lad

"Those plate glass windows are just saying, 'throw a chair through me' ."
- Noel on chairs and windows

Liam: Me and our kid, we like, love each other by now.
Noel: I fuckin' hate him, he's a prick...
Liam: Oh we do, honest to God-
Noel: He's a prick-
Liam: And all this bullshit about fighting is all a load of lies
Noel: ...he's a twat-
Liam: Me an' him...
Noel: ...and he's a bald twat
Liam: Love each other! We do honestly.

"Those guys who want to kidnap me had better hurry up and do a good job because we'll all be waiting for them."
- Liam at Maine Road (the band were getting death threats from Man United fans)

"Barrie is the biggest fucking hole in the western hemisphere!"
- Liam at a concert in Barrie

In a Camden bar on Friday, October 4, Noel told an NME reporter that the band would not be returning to America. When asked if this meant that Oasis would not return to America ever he said: "No. Fuck 'em."

"Any of you touch me an' you'll get a smack, knowworrimean?"
- Liam

Interviewer: You once said in an interview that all the songs on Morning Glory have a connection. What is the connection?
Noel: It's all part of a big spiritual riddle to which only I have the answer.

"Liam is so vain that if he went into hospital he'd insist on having the X-rays retouched."
- Paul Gallagher (older brother of fetching Liam)

"You can put your life in the hands,
of this rock n roll band.
Cos we'll never throw it all away"
- Noel at Knebworth (Don't Look Back in Anger)

"I don't really know what happened. I went home a couple of days after working with Idha to see if I'd had any calls, and my Mum said, 'Well, some bloke called Noel Gally...Gally-something...'.I said, 'What, Noel Gallagher?' 'Yeah, that's the bloke. He sounded Northern; he sounded like someone out of Coronation Street'. I said, 'You know who that is don't you, mum? Noel Gallagher from Oasis!' 'Who are they then?' 'Alright mum...' I thought somebody was winding me up, and I was literally waiting for Jeremy Beadle to walk in. I would have broken down in tears."
- Alan when he joined Oasis

"I love playing music. It's a gift that was given to me by whoever dishes out these talents to people...and as long as I believe I have something valid to put out as a piece of music then I'll keep doing it. As soon as I feel it's not, I'll stop and do something else like open a chippy or work in a butcher's shop."
- Noel

"Don't have a piss in the stands because I'll be standing there next week."
- Soccer-mad Liam at the Maine Rd gig. (Maine Rd. is where Man. City play and is the club supported by Liam)

"Americans are crazy. They have this facination with throwing their shoes on stage. I've been to a lot shows in me life, some good and some bad. But I was never moved to take off me shoes and throw it at the lead singer."
- Noel

"Let me try to do the interview... So tell me, what's life like being a transvestite?"
- Noel at the MTV Music Awards preshow

"I'm ageless and he's a twat!"
- Liam

"My main concern before going on stage is, What frame of mind is Our Kid going to be in? Will he get fucked off and walk off, which he is perfectly capable of doing. He was annoyed when somebody threw a rock at him at a gig, the bloke responsible was lucky cos if we hadn't been having such a good time we'd have jumped in and put him in intensive care. We're not the psychopaths we're made out to be but you don't take shit do you?"
- Noel

"Whoever's throwing things like this on stage...like...if you don't like the music, fuck off! If there're any more coming on, I'm off. And you gotta deal with all these people here who are enjoying themselves. If you don't like it, go fucking hang yourself! Don't be throwing fucking stones on stage like this...I don't wanna go blind over some fucking dickhead!
This one's called...this one's called Roll With It, dickhead!"
- Liam uses colourful language at Slane Castle after a rock was thrown at him on stage.

"Fucking Wankers! This one's for all the people at the back"
- Noel at Slane Castle

"Oasis got their foot in the door and kicked it down"
- John Power (Cast)

"I went to Paul McCartney's daughter Stella's party and who should open the door but the man himself. He was dead cool. There were all these questions I wanted to ask him but I settled on, Do you watch Brookside?"
- Noel

"Any of you touch me an' you'll get a smack, knowworrimean?"
- Liam

Interviewer: I have with me one of the stars of oasis...
Noel: What do you mean one of the stars?

"We're not the psychopaths we're made out to be but you don't take shit do you?"
- Noel

"I was as loud as Our Kid is...I did the same things he does every night."
- Noel before Oasis

"If you don't want to be the biggest band in the world, you may as well pack it in."
- Noel

"I told Our Kid the band was shite, but he definitely had something as a frontman. Then I said you either let me write everything, control everything, and make all the decisions, or forget it."
- Noel

"Eat more vegetables."
- Noel to Guigsy

"I was walking along and this chair came flying past me, and another, and another, and I thought, it's gonna be good tonight."
- Liam on the joys of touring

Guitar world: There has been much talk about the quarreling between you and your brother Liam. Is that hype as well?
Noel: Yeah, a little of it is true, but the rest is just NME and Melody Maker blowing it completely out of proportion. Say you worked for NME, and Liam comes over arguing about something, and I tell him to get lost - the next day, the headline would be "Liam and Noel From Oasis in Hotel Brawl." (laughs)

Noel in Ireland: This one's called Hello
Liam: No it's called Howareya!

"They called it their wonderwall," explains Tommy, pointing over to the far wall "It's what they named the single after." "In 1983 they both started writing on the wall. Bits of songs, poems, favourite bands, football teams. In one corner Noel wrote 'I Love Diane Jones' and underneath, in the same writing, 'Liam is a puff.' "They'd fight terribly about who had the most writing space,"
- Father Gallagher (Tommy) on the real Wonderwall

"In Newcastle some geezer jumped up on the stage and punched me in the eye. It went off pretty bad; there was a riot at the gig. You always get that in England. There's always someone in the front giving you the finger. Did they queue up for six hours just to come down and call me a wanker? I don't understand that mentality. It's very strange."
- Noel

"I'm not going to play for silly yanks when I haven't got a house to live in!"
- Liam

"When we get time off from the band, everyone else goes on 'oliday, but I just start writing. I went away once over the summer, and our management wouldn't let me take a guitar with me - they locked 'em all up. They're afraid of me burning myself out."
- Noel

"Nothing bothers me more than when groups like Pearl Jam and Nirvana whine and moan and complain about life and being famous. Let me tell you, being famous is great! The feeling when someone asks you for an autograph, unbelieveable!
I just think Americans are tired of people telling them how crap their lives are. I think when people listen to our music, we tell them how good their lives could be.
I guess I just can't understand the thoughts of Eddie Vedder or that whole bit... I mean, lad, if you hate your job so much, why don't you fuckin' go work at a car wash or McDonald's or something?"
- Noel, on MTV 1994

"Has-beens shouldn't present awards to gonna-bees...(drifting off) Well, I guess I should talk a little longer, so: I'm Rich, You're Not!"
- Noel's acceptance speech from the 1995 Brit Awards, after receiving best album award from Ex-INXS frontman Micheal Hutchence.

"It's like a game of baseball. The press hold the ball, but you hold the bat. So they toss you the ball now and again, and it's up to you to knock it for a home run and run around the stadium."
- Noel

They say, "How's it goin'?" and I say "Great." And then they go (affects empathetic voice), "Tch, you know what, man? I'd really hate to be in your position, man. I mean, your life must be really hard." And I'm thinking, what? You sell two fuckin' records in Gloucester, and you're telling me you'd hate to be in my position? I've got a fuckin' Rolls-Royce and a fuckin' bastard mansion, and an airplane and you'd hate to be me? Ha, not as much as I'd fuckin' hate to be you, you daft cunt -- living in a fuckin' squat with your bird and a fuckin' dog! Yeah, being a multi-millionaire is a big, bad pain in the ass, man -- you wouldn't want to wish that on anybody.
- Noel

Noel: "What are we gonna do now?"
Musician: Spend some of your money perhaps?
Noel: Yeah, but what on? I've got everything I want. I could only go and buy two of everything now -- that just gets boring.

"Jarvis is a star! I mean, all he did was get up on stage and get his belly out, but in England people thought it was so shocking. It's not as if he cracked [Jackson] on the head with a baseball bat -- which is what I woulda fuckin' done if I'd gone up there."
- Noel

"Yet again, I was right! It's a pisser being right all the time -- it bores the tits off me!"
- Noel

"This guy came up to me from some band and he said that 'Man, I'd hate to be you right now, no privacy at all' and I was thinking, 'Sure thing man, I have a fucking Rolls Royce, a million dollars in the bank, a fucking mansion and my own jet and you think you'd feel sorry for me? What are you? I'd hate to be you, broke as all hell living in the dole.' "
- Noel

Noel: Why don't you go downstairs and smash the bar up and say you're the singer of Oasis?
Liam: 'Cos I don't want to. If I did, there's nothing would stop me.

Dani Behr: Do you still have physical fights.
Noel: No. The last time was in March or May and we haven't done since because...
Dani Behr: Who won?
Noel: I did. He claims its because he was drunk, but I claimed I had won because I had a cricket bat in my hand.

Dani Behr: What's it like having loads of money now.
Noel: ...er...it's alright

"I do all the work so it's only right that I should get the most money. Plus I am the most handsome"
- Noel

"Next year I hope to get a stalker or two because I don't belive you've arrived until you get a stalker."
- Noel

"In Liam's world it's better to talk bullshit all day than be silent for one minute"
- Select Magazine

"Look at you, Whitey [refers to Alan White] - in the group for one year and already you got the big house and the car. There's me, right, struggling along for fucking years and then what happens at Christmas? 'Here you are, Whitey,' goes McGee, 'Here's your Xmas present.' And it's a car, a fucking car. 'Here you are Liam, lead singer, original member, who's worked his arse off for years, here's yours.' Compared to you, nish, fucking nish, and you've been in the group a year. Outrageous tackle."
- Liam

"But some bands give over eight hours for this," says the photographer.
Swiftly and bluntly, Noel and Liam put him straight on that one. "We're not some band. And your paper didn't make us, mate. And you know what about your Rolling Stone cover? Arsed mate, arsed."
- Noel and Liam and Rolling Stone photographer after Oasis walked off after 1 hour

"What makes Oasis different?"
Bonehead: "Good songs."
Liam: "And a handsome lead singer with a beard."

"What was your biggest break?" [in music] - Jason from New York wants to know.
Liam: "My biggest break was 39" [snooker].
Bonehead: "Mine was a hole in one" [golf].

Noel orders a beer, the rest opt for lemonades and Cokes. Above us, the TV is on. CNN News. "Have you seen some of the stories they have on here?" Noel enquires. "Check this one I saw this morning. There's this guy who's 75 and he's got cancer. So his doctor tells him he's got about two years to live. So he thinks, 'Fuck it, I've always hated my wife, the stupid bag.' So he kills her. 'What the fuck, I've got nothing to lose.' Then he's put in jail but, the problem is, he doesn't die. He's 99 now and guess what he's doing?" Noel surveys our expectant faces. "Suing the doctor," he cackles. "He's taking him to court," he continues, pissing himself. "And he's saying, ' If it wasn't for what you told me I would never have killed my wife and now you owe me ten million pounds.' I'm sitting there thinking, 'I know I live in a mad country but it's not half as crazy as it is here.'"
- Noel in America

"They're off their tits here."
- Liam on Americans

"I'm not like John Lennon, who thought he was the great Almighty. I just think I'm John Lennon."
- Noel

"Imagine if us four were walking down the street, they'd all say , 'Look at those mad fuckers with their haircuts.' When in reality it would be them who are the nutters."
- Liam

"Now we all drink Pepsi"
- Noel after being sued by Coke

Liam: I need to be myself
Noel: I wanna be a Spaceman